When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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