I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
