omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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