if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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