Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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