Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
