Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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