The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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