Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
