I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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