I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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