i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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