as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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