She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
