I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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