he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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