I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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