Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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