a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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