Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
