I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
