I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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