my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
