I want to make a zoo with you.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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