PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
