Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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