If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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