I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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