Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
