There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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