I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We had to coat check the pizza.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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