Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
