his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
