new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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