Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
