Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
two words: eviction party
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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