True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
