he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just sucked dick on a ferry
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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