We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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