whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
pop tarts are not kleenex
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
