You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
