so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize