Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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