The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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