I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
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i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
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so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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