Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
