Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
