You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
