so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
