8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We have started to decorate penises.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm too high and old for this...
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