Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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