You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Rumble strips road head = magical
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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