Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling