Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
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Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
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Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.