Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?