My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.