if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
