my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
