What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
