he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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