I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
